I know some people that watch shows like Family Guy or Robot Chicken and say “Wow, that’s probably too many references to the eighties for my liking.”
Well, I’m forced to admit that those people, fools though they obviously are, might just have something approaching a good point. There is probably life that exists outside of making punning references to Cobra Commander. Not life as we know it or would like it, of course, but life just the same. There may be things to talk about besides Man-E-Faces’ horrible, horrible schizophrenia (which so wasn’t suitable for a kids' show); and there may be more important things to discuss than the Sword of Omens’ unusually phallic qualities. But man, that sword really is so phallic. It starts off small, then Lion-O whips it out and shouts “Thunder…Thunder…Thundercats” until it gets way bigger, and can do all kinds of crazy stuff. Not convinced? Check out these screen grabs:
Well, I’m forced to admit that those people, fools though they obviously are, might just have something approaching a good point. There is probably life that exists outside of making punning references to Cobra Commander. Not life as we know it or would like it, of course, but life just the same. There may be things to talk about besides Man-E-Faces’ horrible, horrible schizophrenia (which so wasn’t suitable for a kids' show); and there may be more important things to discuss than the Sword of Omens’ unusually phallic qualities. But man, that sword really is so phallic. It starts off small, then Lion-O whips it out and shouts “Thunder…Thunder…Thundercats” until it gets way bigger, and can do all kinds of crazy stuff. Not convinced? Check out these screen grabs:
Got erectile problems? Why not shout “Thundercats Hoooo” to yourself, while relaxing on the forest floor?
Unless of course your “sword” is already covered in suspicious looking goop. Then it probably won’t work.
Yeah, it’s definitely phallic. And that's the last time I include Thundercats screen captures, promise. Anywho, as I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself, some people are of the opinion that there may be important things to talk about in and regards the world other than, for example, references to cartoon shows. These people, I believe, are the sort of people who would most definitely not like what we are doing here at the Waspinator-for-President campaign headquarters. We do not deny that there are almost certainly a whole host of very important subjects out there, and that these are also subjects of discussion which could and should probably be addressed. Oh yes, they’re there all right; we just don’t feel much like talking about them. What Waspinator-for-President is all about, in fact, is something that the kind of people who require actual relevance or meaningfulness in their internet reading material will never understand.
Such people, I repeat, will neither “get” me nor the larger Waspinator-for-President electoral commission. They might ask, for example, such questions as: how can I possibly continue to write a blog about absolutely nothing? With no relevance to anything whatsoever? Shouldn’t I have a subject? A theme? Perhaps I should be writing about my own life? Shouldn’t I at least glance upon relationships, friendships, hobbies, travel, study, work; or in short, anything of the daily business of living?
All these questions and more have literally been flowing through my inbox, except in as much as they haven’t. But I imagine that these are nonetheless the sorts of questions that people would have asked, or will ask themselves, upon dipping into the world of Waspinator-for-President. Why am I writing about meaningless nonsense, they will ask, when there must surely be more important things to talk about? Well, just suck it up, because this is as important as it gets. What Waspinator-for-President is all about is the serious production of exactly that meaningless nonsense you decry. Day by day, we will slowly but unstoppably build up a veritable mountain of totally unimportant drivel. That, dear reader, is our glorious mission. And more than that, it is Waspinator-for-President’s election promise to all you fleshy-bots out there.
Let me break this down for you, manifesto style. This blog will never pause to reflect on important global issues, nor any form of current affairs, except where so doing would allow for either a reference to an eighties cartoon or a pun on some sort of sexual taboo or bete noire bodily function. It will never attempt to offer any kind of personal or professional advice, except where that advice is so monumentally obvious or otherwise redundant that to offer it is entirely without use or point. It will never comment on the life of its writer or the lives of that writer’s friends, except where these lives could be compared to an unpopular MB board game or perhaps a cancelled sitcom in a way that is entirely unprofitable and without merit of any sort. It is the Nothing and Beingness to Sartre’s Being and Nothingness. In short, this blog will always be about nothing whatsoever, but in an endless variety of different (but also mind-numbingly similar) ways.
But wait, I think I hear you say, just hang on there a cotton-picking, hot-diggity-dog moment! Doesn’t this very blog entry count as an entry about something, even if that something is the rather imprecise definition of what it is not? Well, in a word: no. No, it most definitely does not count. Smartypants.