Every so often, I like to make a statement of principles: not merely about this blog (although that is of course extremely important), but in my actual real daily life.
Principles are important after all, and I have plenty of them to go around. You can borrow some if you like. Goodness knows you could benefit from having one or two of them. I have a couple of particularly useful ones that I want to hang onto, like “I really don't like you”, and “please go away”, but otherwise you can take your pick. Why not keep them for a week or two, try them out? You can borrow some deodorant too, if you want.
Now, about this statement I want to make. In many ways, it is a restatement. A clarification, one might call it. What I said in my previous post, if I may trust to my memory, was that the grand and glorious mission of the Waspinator-for-President blog is quite simply the extended production of meaningless nonsense. And nothing more. I believe I made it an election promise, and I stand by that promise. Nothing is more important to the world than this grand enterprise. In so doing, we draw attention to the fact that actually nothing on the internet is about anything at all or, rather, that everything on the internet is about nothing at all, and that on the whole it should just be switched off. And if that sounds like this blog is then really 'about' something after all, I'd like to gently remind you that it really isn't.
Anyway: I have noted, and some of you may also have noticed, that we have just headed into a New Year. Yes, I can hardly believe it either. I'm grateful for your letting me know, everywhere, that there's a brand new annum heading our way. I can hardly even get my head around the very concept of 2008, let alone grasp at what this highly different time might mean for us all. But this new year is upon us nonetheless. And it is at a time like this that people like you and me ought to sit down for a moment and just think about things. We ought to think about where we’ve been, and maybe even about where we’re going. What I’m talking about is of course the grand ceremony of New Year’s Resolutions, a list of ways in which we can better ourselves, or the lives of those around us, as we head into this brave new era. Of course, if you’re one of my North American readers, then you may be thinking “hell, I don’t need a resolution to go anywhere.” But if that's the case, then it’s almost certainly because you’ve misunderstood what I’m saying. The kind of resolution I’m talking about isn’t provided by the UN, it’s provided by your heart.
What this all boils down to, of course, is the sad admission that I have decided to come up with some solid resolutions of my own. And as I think we all know, there is no information more vital to share than a list of New Year’s resolutions. So here, for your delectation, is my own short list of personal “to dos”:
5. Never watch another Michael Bay movie. Ever.
4. Feel bad for the Bayster, agree to give him some more of my hard-earned cash in return for another explosive, high octane and possibly racist cinematic offering.
3. Come out of next Bay movie feeling dirty and used; shower; return to previous stance as noted in point 5.
2. Write some really, really good poetry. I mean, really good.
1. No, really, I’m going to write that poetry. Any day now. Maybe a novel. Or a comic – now that would be cool!
Of course, the list needs some fine tuning, and I’ll be working on it in coming weeks. In the meantime, why not contact me with your own implausible life-changing decisions? I'll be sure to value your thoughts.
Notes:
1. Chances of poetry dream coming to fruition: slim.
2. Chances of Waspinator blog ever getting around to proper discussion of Waspinator (the character from the Transformers franchise, not the miracle bug spray) any time in the near future: even slimmer.
3. Am I talking to myself here? Yes. And so are all of you.