My Latest Blog Entry Is Both Beneficial And Entertaining

Oh hello there. Once again, you’ve caught me mid-blog; isn’t it funny how that keeps happening? Well, frankly, no: it isn’t funny at all. In fact, it’s actually quite harrowing. Had you come along a little bit later, you see, I might have had a finished product for you. It might have been about something really interesting or amusing. It might have been, as the good Chaucer says, of best sentence and moost solaas. It might have been, as More wrote, both salutaris and festivus. But, I’m quite afraid to say, it isn’t. You just got here way too early.

So, you know, thanks a bunch for disturbing me and messing everything up. No really, thanks a lot. Like Coleridge’s man from Porlock, you’ve just ruined what could have been the greatest literary work this side of whatever is the opposite of Harry Potter. In short, you’ve totally ruined this post. And I had some great things in mind, too.

For example, I had a story about this one time where I did something really droll, witty and funny, but which was also instructional and of high moral value. My goodness, it was good. Sententious, but hysterical. How uproariously you would have laughed while simultaneously being morally edified. How you would have chortled alongside a most religious chant. You can’t imagine it, I know, because it seems impossible. Well, you should have just been here five minutes later, because trust me, it would have been great. But, you know, you weren’t here five minutes later, were you?

So, really, I think you should just go away and let me finish.

Notes: Hey, wouldn’t it have been funny if Harry in When Harry Met Sally had been Harry Potter? No, it wouldn’t have been funny at all, in almost exactly the same ways that Billy Crystal wasn’t funny as Harry in When Harry Met Sally. This is precisely my point, of course: imagine practically anybody or anything as Harry in When Harry Met Sally and you have yourself a better film. Kermit the Frog opposite Meg Ryan? Funny. The concept of free enterprise opposite Meg Ryan? Funny. But Harry Potter opposite Meg Ryan does nothing for me at all. That’s how bad the Harry Potter franchise is – exactly as bad as Billy Crystal. And just so we’re clear, that’s pretty bad.