An(other) Introduction To Waspinator-For-President

Waspinator, as if you needed to be told, is a Predacon from the tv series Beast Wars, a long defunct descendant of the Transformers franchise. Relatively speaking, he has almost nothing to do with this blog.

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Well, That’s All Fine Then

For five long, lonely, dark and terrible years, the dim-lit halls of Waspinator for President have kept time with the sickly slow beat of my beleaguered soul. The underground bunker, resonating with the staccato drum of the surrounding earth (well, that and the nuclear generator), have steadily harmonised with my own internal, infernal pace. As I dwell underneath those I despise, so too has my heart sunk down beneath; as I tunnel further in my quest for renewable energy sources, so the less renewed has my own hope for renewal become. My dulled and despairing thought, ever below, has long found itself mirrored not merely in the unquiet mere of my noisome heart, but also in this my surrounding architecture: a bunker outside my self almost as massy and impenetrable as the bunker within.

For five long years have I marked off time along these walls, in scratches of chalk and chalky blood. For five years too long have I marked off time on walls as grey as graves, with the promise of graves, with the malice of graves…but no longer. No longer will I accept this state in which I’ve locked myself. No longer will I walk in a prison of my soul. No, dear reader, because this time, this time is my time. And there’s only one thing I want to do with this time that is also my time. And that thing I want to do, my dear reader, is ask you a single very important question.

Would you mind helping me redecorate?

Thanks.



Notes:

1. So what I’m doing in this latest clever blog entry is to compare the state of my soul with the state of the Waspinator for President underground bunker. And what I’m doing with this comparison, you see, is drawing attention to the fact that they’re both a bit bleak, although I suppose the underground bunker is a little bit more bleak, given that it is in essence entirely fictional. My soul, despite a great deal of compelling moral evidence to the contrary, is not entirely fictional.

2. So having made this comparison between the bleakness of my soul, and the bleakness of my fictional bunker, what I then did was to ask you to help me redecorate. Perhaps, now that I come to think about it, some light pastels would be nice. Well, look, anyway, this is all clever and also funny because what I should have done, really, was to ask you to help out with the bleak soul issue, whereas what I actually did was to ask you to help make the bunker look snazzier instead. And that was the wrong thing to say in context, and hence an unexpected outcome, even as it was also very expected, but also that very sense of expectation was probably interesting to you.

3. So as usual I’m having to provide a commentary on what I’ve been doing because otherwise, to be quite honest, you probably wouldn’t get it. But also, you see, I could actually be asking you to help redecorate my soul, rather than the bunker. So it’s a joke that’s also a metaphor that’s also simply true, which makes it very different from all the other blog entries here and really quite smart when you think about it and not redundant.

4. So also, this blog replaces one of last week’s promised titles, ‘This Pleonastic Meme I’m Currently Experiencing Is A Bit Pleonastic’. You know, unless I decide to repeat myself.

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Your Upcoming Blog Titles Are In! (Volume 2)

Here at the Waspinator for President secret bunker, I often (okay, just this once) like to replace an actual blog by telling you about blogs that will appear in the future.

I’m a busy guy, alright? You can tell how very busy I am, simply by noting how long it has been since I last posted here. That’s right, I have better things to do. And, like many busy guys with better busy guy things to do, I have lots of busy, better things with which I ought really to be getting on. Right now, for example, I’m still working on tracking down little Miles Mayhem, who escaped from the Waspinator secret bunker back in 2008, and hasn’t been sighted since. Oh, and also real things as well. Yeah. But still, I’ve been feeling pretty bad for taking down this blog and thereby denying you my non-daily thoughts. So, I’ve come back to make you a promise. I will definitely make posts here, sometime in 2011. No, I don’t know when. But I do know what the titles might be, and I'm more than willing to give you a glimpse into this promising future space and time. Like so:

I Hope My Own Flash-Forward Is To The Season Two Opener Of Flash-Forward Because I Can’t Wait!

Your Upcoming Blog Titles Are In! (Volume 3)

Why Don’t We Sit Down And Have A Nice Long Chat About Those Of Whom We Do Not Speak?

In This Blog I Will Find You, If Only By A Thorough Process Of Elimination

What On Earth Just Happened Because I Don’t Even Know

What Particular Brand Of Poison Is In Your Secretly Poison Filled Glass Today?

This Pleonastic Meme I’m Currently Experiencing Is A Bit Pleonastic

I Hear That The Masters Of The Universe Are Currently Recruiting

Among The Orcs, I Am Known As ‘That Long-Bearded Racist Guy Who Killed My Children’

See how great they all sound? Can you imagine the endless fun you’ll have reading them? I think you can. And can you imagine if I don’t actually make any of these posts at all? I think you can imagine that, too. Good for you. Well, either way, come back throughout 2011 for all this and probably less. You might not regret it.

Notes: Yes, of course I am aware that there is no volume 1 for which this is the subsequent volume 2. Thank you for your enquiry.

Saturday, 13 August 2011

An Undiscoverie Of The Internet

Yeah, well. Turns out I didn't like that whole reactions/monetise metric. Because it was pretty terrible, all things considered. So, you know, it's gone.

Also, can all the people I don't like PLEASE stop reading this blog? Thanks.